again and again…

Again and again

its hinting me to stop yet

Again and again

I refuse to stop.

Again and again

I’m bombarded with pain

Again and again

It’s showing me why I should stop yet

Again and again

i refuse to stop and endure the pain.

Again and again

I tell myself “stop it , nothing good will come” yet

Again and again

This bitch mind of mine wants to try try again.

Again and again

I try try again. Yet

again and again

I fail fail again. And

Again and again

It hurts hurts again.

Sigh. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what i’m living for anyway.

uggh My life in 10 seconds. Promos over , got a new Ibanez  guitar <3 met some cool new people , had great fun on the last day of promos and the day after the last day of promos , going on a holiday trip real soon birthday coming real soon too.

There you wasted 10 seconds of your life. tsk go do something else. toodles.

P.S. Life suck. 0/4 i give myself till 0/6 then its no more no how no why just no more. no one will understand except me so i have no idea why im posting it here. sheesh

Blah.

Hello world.

You suck.

Goodbye.

C.A.K.E.S baby C.A.K.E.S!

Once I changed , the world around me changed , changed back and it changed back with me and somehow became worse WTS.

Wow it’s been like a month since i last blogged. Well nothing much to post about sadly. Life has somehow changed. I tried to change , more nonsense less sense =) and yeah life somehow feels better. But yet again time and time stupid shit happens and it hurts like fuck. Oh well it has been a fruitful month. New friends made , new experiences , new laughs and yet shit still happens. Oh and National Day Carnival was a success! Good job everyone! and Thanks to the rest of the school for their active participation =)

BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

<3 CAKES

Meeeeeehhh…

Goodbye my friend
I know you’re gone, you said you’re gone although I can still feel ya here
Its not the end
Gotta keep it strong before the pain turns into fear.”
- Spice Girls –

Often we look at some others we feel that we ourselves are better than them. We think we have more friends , we think we are smarter and we even think we are better off.  However , after looking at the bigger picture I beg to differ. I realise that I’m not so well off after all. A sudden realisation has shown me that well , I’m not what I thought I was. All was  just a big hallucination , after all that , I’m just another sorry excuse of a human , if i even have the standard of one. Half a year is gone but yet , I feel much lesser than what I was in the past , all the hallucinations made me think too highly of myself and my abilities but guess what , I’m not all that. I’m not even a little teeny winsey bit of that. GAH! sometimes the world would seem less painful if I’d remain lonely since the begining. Maybe then I’d not understand the meaning of lonliness. Anyway results are back. DEEU. yeah. That’s the best i could do. So now I guess I really can’t find anything I’m good at. Don’t even talk about talent , just find something that I can excel a little at and I’ll worship you like a god. Fuck it. Seriously thinking about just quitting school , waste the next 5-10 years doing stuff I like and then just die. UGGH!

THE COUNTUP IS OVER!

Final Post before camp. Leaving in like 6.5 hours and I’m still dead awake. one word to describe the situation now. DIE! See y’all on Monday!

Oh btw , I know y’all have this undying desire to miss me. well , now’s a good chance to satisfy that craving =D Or else , you could just sms me =D

And so I pray.

If I was good looking would you love me? If I was perfect would you want me?  It is really tearing me up on the inside to have these feelings for you, but yet I can’t get rid of them. Sometimes I really wonder what you think of me or if you do at all.

Poof. I am bored. Real bored. How?
My skin on my shoulders are flaking off like those fish flake thingy. Gee I hope it would snow in Singapore.
Went for aikido in school today. Super fun , especially with Eddie and Asraf. Fooled around. Played some tennis barefooted(Sadly.I.CMI)  but still… theres an improvement so shuddup! =X

I wanna watch drag me to hell. Anyone?

Blah feeling so miserable lately. Sick and tired of being sick and tired. GAHHHHH someone just shoot me. (nokaylinidonotneedyoutoshootmecauseyou’veshotmelotsoftimesalready) Sheesh , life really is getting sick , I’m gonna shut myself out from this horrible world from now onwards. BYE

1 day 1 hour and 15 minutes and counting. 14thjune2009 1045 p.m.

=D

I’m hooooooome!

Had so much fun today. Gym in the morning till my arms felt like jelly , then left to meet the 4G peeps. So met Dean + Fred + Blven (and his little dog on his shirt) Yeah so we shopped around orchardthen left for Marina Square after that. For the first time , I saw someone have hiccups for such a long time. Dean pratically Hiccuped through the whole of Far east until Marina Sq. Cool Beans!

After that we went to play pool (which I , a no talent loser , Sadly suck at. ) And then we had Yuki Yaki. I’m filled up to the brim , Belly side up and crying for help , super full! Oh and the stupid ice cream thing there is like for you to have a work out. Stupid ice cream super hard to scoop after you make it! It’s like carving ice. So we kinda gave up and ended up playing in some way making a mess like we always do. Wooo! I love outings like these! Sooooo much fun. Something that I have not experienced in a long long time. I don’t want it to end, that feeling of nostalgia , I want it to go on forever. I want to be as carefree as in the past , where nothing seemed to matter , where we joked about everything and well most of the time , no one takes it to heart. Sigh why is it that you never know how to treasure something till it’s gone too late. =[

Speaking about that , it’s really getting too much already. Me being nice to you is not a given right. Trust me. Please don’t realise it’s too late when I really snap when you cross the line. THANKS.

Another chance? I think it’s hidden up right up my ass.

Life is not like a game of monopoly(the board game) , getting chances are not as easy as landing into squares on the board and poof you get a chance card. 

 

It got from bad to worse and yeah , I’ve reached my limit. In one day , how awesome is that. I’m sick and tired of trying but in the end feel like a HUGE sucker who is always in the wrong no matter what I do , where no one sees the good but yet takes it for granted. To tell you the truth , not everyone is like that . People can change , everyone has a hidden side that is hidden for a reason , so yeah dont take the good side for granted for i swear if you do , that good side will end up being hidden for a better reason. Okay so the plan tomorrow for me is to NOT GIVE A FREAKING FUCKING LOSERISTC BITCHY BASTARD KNNBCCB (#$*(@)$*#($*)%$(%*#  DAMN! and yeah I just brewed myself a NICE BIG CUP OF SHUT THE FUCK UP and am gonna drink it tomorrow. Yeah If you don’t get this , I’m freaking du lanzx and no I’m not gonna try anymore , if you want you can , but its gonna take a lot for me to even want to try cause I have and my efforts have gone down the drain and somehow shot me right back in the ass. And yeah, feelings do change after certain actions , so it ain’t always my fault , i’m not one to be bullied , when people give in don’t be too much cause it ain’t  joking matter no more to me , never in my life has it been like this. Small matter you might say but yeah it isn’t small to me cause well maybe somehow you’ve hear of the word LOYALTY .  So FML and BYE! 

P.S. SORRY IF I HAVE SOMEHOW ACCIDENTLY HURT ANYONES FEELINGS IN THE PROCESS. BUT YEAH GUESS WHAT , I’M HURT TO AND LIFE IS LIKE THAT . SO PLEASE DON’T ACCIDENTLY GET MAD AND ACCIDENTLY HATE ME OR SOMETHING CAUSE I’LL ACCIDENTLY NOT GIVE A DAMN CAUSE BEING MR NICE GUY IS ACCIDENTLY BEING MR. SUCKER YOU’VE BEEN TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF.

(and to those who are not involved or on my side of this , sorry for the post and have a nice night or day =D and yeahh good luck for the math test tomorrow)

Is it really inevitable?

Segregate :: to separate or set apart from others or from the general mass 

 

This may be my deepest post ever.

I have a really bad tingling sensation about the future. I sense a huge obstacle in our path. One that might not be able to be outruned or dodge , one obstacle so big that it would be almost impossble to overcome. 

Yet , I am reluctant to try when the time comes. I miss the good old days , where life was happy go lucky , where the only complaints and problems were on the time school is gonna end , where to go after school and what to do over the weekends. Problems between my Marist “brothers” were mostly forgotten after a period or two and never lasted for more than a day or so. Where we used to share everything , joking around talking rubbish like some drunk hippies high on weed AS A WHOLE , AS ONE . Sigh , now i really do understand how important that was. I would really like to duplicate that , honestly but yet this feeling inside, the feeling of anger maybe , is like a impatiant butterfly that undewent metamorphosis trying to break out of it’s cacoon. Through the past four years I have learnt about loyalty and brotherhood and yes i still see it now from 4G but yet…

Some might say , life’s like that and you can’t help it with something so big , but really , if you try not to , it’s not that hard. Oh well , if one day , my inner hell of a butterfly were to burst out , please do not hate me for what I am but for what I’ve become. Because it ain’t totally my fault , everyone has his/her limits and yeah I am a part of that “everyone” . I agree with the phrases “it ain’t always rainbows and butterflies” and “Somethings in life are inevitable” But hey , this isn’t one of them . 2 things I can’t stand are people not being united and people who leave others behind. Even in the army , during a war , this are the 2 things that stand the most important . Some are trying their best , and I hope all of us can too.

Oh well some may get it some might not. But If you do know what I’m saying then yeah please do try. If you don’t , don’t ask . It’s either that this post isn’t meant for you or you just don’t see it , so yeap. I’m fustrated about this , I’m on the brink of snapping. I forsee myself isolating myself soon as this is gonna happen . Don’t ask why , just know so . Thinking about this just reminds me of one of the most important phrases to how I live my life “do upon others what you want them to do upon you.” + my version “Do 10x to others what they do to you “ 

Anyway I just thought about this on the bus ride back from supporting the volleyball girl (who did a really fantastic job btw) and yeah due to my observations and their (not the volleyball girls) actions , I’m pissed off , but i don’t wanna show it cause it will make things worse. I myself will try and improve and i really hope they will too.

Pfft… Do you even notice how much i’m trying.

I always thought that when you fail you try try again but now I’m this close to having “try try again” make me look like a stupid fool.

 

Heyo. Its 345 on an awesome saturday afternoon and guess what I’M STUCK AT HOME! UGGGH!

OH WELL , was supposed to go out but yeahhhh ella has to do her HUGE amount of lit , Chubby Hammy hasn’t given me an answer yet , jeslin and kaylin are already fully booked till 132493029439 years later haha and Boon Hao has a birthday party to attend. Lucky people =[

Oh well, Ella if you so read this JY with your lit! 

Talking about parties it's Joe's birthday party later! So yeah I'm gonna meet up with the 4G peeps again =D later at bugis. At least theres some light shining down from that dark grey sky.

Oh and did I mention how much PW ROCKS? I bet I didn't because it sucks like bullcrap. It's worse than the tsunami , the hindenberg accident and the titanic sinking ALL put together. Yeah it's like that. Like wth is the use! Rubbish! I might as well spend all that time digging a hole or something except for in this case I might actually LEARN something useful from digging that damn hole. 

On the sunny side , I'm happy with my PW group! =] Ella , Brenda , Darel and Cindy.  They dropped by my crib to do our GPP and it was pretty efficient work and we managed to complete our tasks for the day in like 3 hours =] So yeah good work everyone! Oh and Ella and Brenda are these two massive facebook quiz junkies haha. They can’t stop doing quizzes ESP Brenda. Don’t you oh so agree? 

Uggh Schools starting again on Monday. I’m kinda looking forward to school nowadays , more than in secondary school. Must be the waking up only at 8 thing + the friends =D 

On a sidenote , Thanks everyone who voted me for the House exco . I made it in=D TRUCKLOADS of love and thanks =D

TaTa I shall go do some math and it’s off to bugis for a fergillicious night out =D